You know what’s funny? These days having friendships can be somewhat complicated. We are so much hardwired on our phones that that actual forms of communication. I was born in 1976 so growing up in the 80’s having friendships meant actually face to face or talking on your corded phone being the next best thing. I grew up watching technology change around me from the brick size cell phone to the indestructible Nokia to the fabulous Motorola flip phones. Even with all this technology, it only helped in assisting making plans to meet up with those and hang out. Now, while that still occurs, it isn’t as prevalent as it was. In fact, I know most do not even use their phones to talk on. After all, text messaging is much easier especially when in certain situations.
Unfortunately, life has away of making thing be so busy. Work, hobbies, relationships or just being bone weary that we are not able to communicate the way we would like. I am a horrible communicator in the sense of being on the phone. I do not like calling people except for bill collectors ( don’t judge I’m paying) and making doctor’s appointments. I always feel hesitant to call my friends because they have lives and they may be busy. These are people who have been my friends for over 15 years. We have been there for each other through relationships, jobs and even deaths in our respective families. Being able to talk and see each other, eat together and bond was just something I enjoyed. Now, I moved out of New York and are moving to California but most of my closest friendships are not in New York. In fact I have only a few solid friendships in NYC and I know most of them will eventually move out. I am falling into line with the text messaging either through the phone or FB walls or FB messenger. I recently had a conversation with my friend Ingrid who basically told me that I was someone she could trust and have given her years of an “Uncomplicated Friendship.” When I was told that, I choked up. Believe in my mind, I figure I was just a passing thought. After all, she is a strong, intelligent woman with a great job, marriage and has beautiful daughter. I know her life is full and I have been able to talk to her as often as we would both like. I have always had huge respect for my friends and their time. I keep forgetting that we have the friendship where we may not talk often but when we do, our connection is deeper as if no time has passed. I know that I have some truly solid kindred spirit friendships.
It seems that most of what we see or read in culture whether pop or in our everyday lives, we know someone who has drama coming in and out their lives like a revolving door. We are too comfortable with the idea that we always have to look over our shoulder at the people we call our friends. Suspecting that someone may be hating or wanting your life or just know that one person who can never get their shit together. Always wondering if that person will be genuine. Listen if I have to think that hard about it, we are not friends. We may be acquaintances at best. My mom always told me not every one will be your friend and I have lived my life fully with that in mind. After all, this election has shown how superficial some friendships are and also learning that you really didn’t know the person you called friend.
If you really want to have uncomplicated friendships, you really have to know you and the level of things you are willing to accept. I know that sounds weird but if you do not tolerate bullshit from yourself, you will have a huge time taking from anyone else. There is no soul who has time for that and your gut will tell you if you met a true kindred spirit. I will tell you most of those are you value friendships will let the friendship form organically and not force it. Remember you have one life and while you should have an opportunity to meet many, some will be a reason, some will be a season and some will be a lifetime.
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