The uncomprehensive guide to living in Modern America

Welcome welcome welcome.  Thank you so much for wanting to live in the United States of America. Now before we can get this application process started, there are few things you should know. 

1. You will need to take a number from the ticket maker on the far left wall.

2.You will need to do a blood test.

3. We will need to do some DNA testing to make sure that you have traces of Native American in you.   

Don’t look so appalled. We need to make sure you are American. We can’t just let anyone in. 👀

    4. If your lineage  is from another country, did your ancestors come here and destroy native communities and sold and bought others?  Answer truthfully. 

   5. If your ancestors did the atrocities above, did they tell you that this land is really yours and everyone that doesn’t look like you is sub human?

5a. Do you believe that no apology should not be given for past atrocities and changes should not be made? 

 6. What is your sexual preference? Again be honest. 

7. If you answer anything outside of heterosexual, please realize you will be subject to some religious wrath about how you are not living your life right. 

8. What is your sex and are you happy being that sex? (See above if you are not happy with your current sex)

9. Do you plan to Columbus or appropriate from others cultures you don’t personally care for ? 

10. Are you from a disenfranchised group? If you are be prepared to hear that you need to get over it. It was years ago. 

11. Are you a female? If so, you must please remember that the only thing you are good for is breeding. 

12. Are you an over 50 white male with too much time on your hands?  Do you tell stories about how good the “good ole days”were?  You’ll be alright until you need Medicare and social security. Hope your 401k and IRA’s are paid up. 

13. Are you expecting a participation badge? If so, there is another line for you to wait on. 

14. When you have stated facts about something, is there an instantaneous rebuttal? (Also you may fall into the SJW category and will have plenty of videos of “sensible” people telling you that you are wrong) suggest you either endure or continue to have the argument. 

15. Do you want to constantly feel the need to infringe on people’s rights? Are you a white male?

16. Has your vernacular changed because of twitter buzzwords? 

17. If you are sensible individual, do you never voice your opinion because of those posted above?

18. Do you fit the angry Black women narrative?

19. Do you fit the quiet and submissive Asian women narrative?

20. Do you fit the passionate and feisty Latina narrative?

21. Has your government official ever promised with one face and delivered with another ?

21a. Do you have pre-existing condition? If so, healthcare is not in your future. 

22. Do you live in a rural area where you nearest neighbor is either in a trailer next you or 10 miles away? 

23. Are wearing white hoods a constant in your family?

24. Are you told to speak English everywhere because you are here?

25. Are you male who feels he is owed the prettiest female? If so,there is a real doll connect we have for you. 

26. Are you a fake African meaning do you wear African prints and quote African activists to be more black?

27. Are you still in the programmed Massa/slave mentality? Or for short the”coon handbook ”

28. Are you a white person who only cares when all lives matter but are never state anything when one of yours gets killed?

29. Do you let your friends or family say racist things around you without correcting them? (Part of the problem)

30. Do you troll & complain about other cultures history months as if your schooling never provided Eurocentric history?

31. Do you think other cultures should respect American values when you can’t bring yourself to do it unless it involves getting drunk ?

32. Are you inherently scared of anyone that doesn’t look like you even if nothing has happened to you?

33. Do you think American was promised for white men? ( we have a disillusioned program)

34. Did your dad give you money to start a business and you went bankrupt anyway?

35. Have you been feeding off the American people in legislative branches without following through on your campaign promises?

36. Have you read 1984 or Fahrenheit 451 and agree with what was stated?

37. Has telling lies become as easy as breathing to you?

38. Are you women who says “she doesn’t feminism”? ( we have 1800’s till 1960’s course for you)

39. Do the words liberal, white supremacist, republican and democrat leave a bad taste in your mouth?

40. Are you just the type to disagree just to disagree?

41. Do you have short term memory problems? 

42. Do you feel the need criticize somebody’s body?

43. Are you the type to pre judge?

44. Do you believe a wall will really solve the immigration problem?

45. Can you not fathom a female leader of the free world?

46. Do you believe we are in a post- racial era?

47. Do you cherry pick your religious text to suit your needs?

48. Do you believe that is gayness is a disease and that conversion therapy is the way to go?

49. Do you believe that people should pay for viagra so men’s penises can stay hard but women’s birth control is the sign of the apocalypse?

50. Do you care more about fictional characters than humanity?

51. Do you believe white people sell things better than minorities?

52. Are you a business owner that only wants to serve ” a certain group of people?” ( we have basic history and economics courses for you) money doesn’t care 

53. Do you believe entertainers have no opinion on the politics of their country? 
54. Do you believe that an omnipotent one will come and save his chosen?

55. Do you actually respect the military or just when it suits your argument?

56. Do you think the government is gonna come in your house and take away your guns?

57. Do you believe gun control and it having a level of regulation?

58. Are you fence sitter waiting to watch the world burn?

59. Are you a conspiracy theorist?

Unfortunately, this is is working list of questions.  How you answer does not only affect where you are identified in this modern America but will also designate your living when the Megacities , street judges and districts are built. 

This concludes this part of the application. You will be informed of where you are in the process between 6 weeks and 10 years.  Thank for applying for Modern America. 

Good luck and God bless. 

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