There is a huge unwritten rule for being black anywhere in the world. You are not welcome. African Americans are not even welcome in Africa by some as if it was our fault that our ancestors were sold and put to work on a land that isn’t ours.  I cannot speak for other races on they feel about not being welcome, but I have read enough news articules and viewed enough personal accounts of people’s lives that paint a picture of not being wanted somewhere. 

Black people go out into the world with a hidden code of conduct on how to behave around the rest of the world. I am honestly not surprised that most of us are not in therapy just for anxiety alone. All of the accomplishments are either foreshadowed or  just out and out taken as if we do not have the mental capacity to invent anything. We created a culture that wants to be appropriated and dissected in bites so the rest of the masses can enjoy. We cannot even be comfortable in what nature gave us because somehow these features are not normal. 

Normal these days is a very dangerous word because what exactly is normal. There are certain systems I know that must act “normal.” Light changes in traffic, trees growing in dirt and such. I guess the problem here is nature has produce abnormalities throughout all levels from flora to fauna. Scientists have studied these abnormalities and realized that it is basically nature being nature. DNA is full of strands of information that can produces changes from subtle to the most dramatic. Unfortunately, human beings are quick to give the most horrible looks to things and people that do not look “right” to them.  

History has shown how humans treat people and things that are “normal ” to them.  

It is extremely funny to me now in 2017 that we have some very extreme white people telling people of different other ethnicities that they don’t belong in America.  America was basically the refuge those being persecuted in their homeland countries so to sit up here and basically come out your face anyway you feel like to those born and raised as well as immigrants is absolutely stunning.

Latina and black woman berated at Walmart
 You can shove the manifest destiny right up your crap shooter. 

However, this doesn’t change the fact that being on this earth for 40 years and still are very aware of those around me. And to be honest because racial unrest is just continue to bubble over, I still have to modify my behavior so I am not seen as a threat. Being tall doesn’t help either so I have to work on my tone and facial expressions. It becomes a daily practice to not make eye contact and to make myself as small as possible.  While some may laugh or genuinely ask why, it is only because you have never had to experience being hated just because of your skin color. 

Recently, I was on my way home for work. As I am walking I notice eight white people on the corner  waiting to cross the street. My instinct was to put myself as far away I could without getting hit by vehicles. The reason. I am a black woman in a very expensive area of San Diego known as La Jolla and even though there are other ethnicities that live here, I am outnumbered. They also had a small child with them and I really didn’t want to get into anything. Now mind you, they were probably not paying me any attention but realize all the scenarios my brain went through in a matter of seconds. I really don’t know too many outside of being black or brown that have to do mental machinations just so you can get to and from in one piece without being bothered.  

I am very thankful that I grew up in New York City because the heighten awareness has carried me well through these years. It is just really sad that I basically will need to always be aware for the rest of my life.